Childish adult jokes part 3

Where do pencils go for vacation?

 Pencil-vania.

Want to hear a dirty joke?

 A kid jumped into a mud puddle.

 Want to hear a clean joke?

 A kid jumped into the bath.

What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

 Nacho cheese!

What do elves learn in school?

 The elf-abet.

Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?

 He wanted to go to high school.

Knock, knock.

 Who’s there?

 Interrupting, squawking parrot.

 Interrupting, squawking parr-

 SQUAWKKKKKKKKKKK!

Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book".

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

You're not old until a teenager describes you as middle-aged.

The teacher says, "I don’t think that’s your name. You need to go to the principal’s office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal’s office and he asks, "What’s your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."

The principal calls the girl’s mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

 My mother came to the door; ’lance, get your ass in the house!' I said, 'Oh, Ma, I don’t feel like coming in the house!' I didn’t even see where the skillet came from. I just staggered into the house. It wasn’t even the right house, it was just the first house with the door open.

Which flower talks the most?

 Tulips, of course, because they have two lips!

What do electric trains and women’s breasts have in common? They were originally intended for children but it’s the men who play with them the most.

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

How come you can’t find lawyers sunbathing on the beach?

Cats keep covering them over with sand.

A man arrived in a small town on Friday. He stayed for two days and left on Friday. How is this possible?

His horse’s name is Friday!

Because of the disregard towards safety techniques people not only die but are also born.

I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…

Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoying sex.